Posted by: coloradokiwi | November 5, 2007

Boston sports fans: world’s worst, and here’s why

Others have already written extensively on how much Boston sports fans blow. The list of crimes is long: rudeness, haughtiness, insecurity, and the extremely misguided notion that somehow everyone else in America should “appreciate” their teams for the way in which they win, somehow believing that it’s impossible for them to be hated–and the worst part of it is that they can never understand how they can therefore come across as such douchebags. And oh man is it ever the worst now that (as pointed out in one of the above links) most of their teams are doing fantastically well (haha, BC, you blew it!).

Now, there are no shortage of really awful fans. And let’s face it: Eagles fans take the cake for being the “worst” in terms of sportsmanship and inappropriateness (how many fans can you name who shout out “EAGLES!” at non-sports related concert venues, yet also boo their own team?). However, the Boston sports fans still take the cake for overall obnoxiousness.

Now, let’s parse here: not all fans of the Pats or Sox or Celtics, etc. are from the greater Boston area, and even though in certain instances that attitude has rubbed off on them, they still manage to be relatively sane about their fandom. So why is it that the Boston-area ones are the absolute worst? Based on a number of entries on this subject and my own observations, it comes down to these things:

1. That “fackin'” accent. No accent on earth more successfully combines nasal tonality, vowel harshness, haughtiness, and clueless rage. I mean, there are many, many irritating accents: The Bronx, Western Australia, Engrish… However, this really takes the cake, don’t you think?

2. Geographic exceptionalism. First, there is the “us too” insecurities of being in New York’s shadow, which is in many respects a well-deserved second fiddle position. However, Boston folks seem not to realize that Philadelphia, Chicago, and Los Angeles also have this going on. None of them are quite as big as New York, but they have long, proud histories and they are still huge urban areas in their own right. (To be fair, it’s kind of unclear whether other cities besides possibly Philadelphians realize this.) Anyway, there is a second component to Boston’s geographic exceptionalism: being on the extreme end of the Eastern Seaboard Megalopolis and unable to fathom that anything west of New York City actually exists. That is to say, exists in terms of whether any of it matters, you know. This is by no means exceptional to Boston residents as such—there is a long history of East Coast bias and navel gazing—but I think in Boston’s case it’s particularly heightened.

3. Meteorlogical exceptionalism. Let’s face it: Massachussetts weather is not on the whole pleasant. There is not quite enough sunshine, not quite enough snow, and too much wind and rain. Also, despite being blessed with ample beaches, the water is fucking cold, polluted and horrible. This situation is bound to make people a little rough around the edges. Add to this the fact that since there’s really no point in going outdoors, one may tend to hang around in bars not merely watching a lot of sports, but also working each other up into bullshit frenzies about the brilliance of their teams. Hey, I live in Denver so I am not unaccustomed to sports fan craziness (Broncomania is also a well-documented form of insanity). But once we Denverites get out into the clear air and bright sunshine, suddenly the kinds of ridiculous notions about how special our teams are kind of float away.

I’m sure there may be other reasons to explain it. And actually, I hope I’m wrong about the root causes, because if I’m wrong then it’s possible that these are quasi-transitory states of being, and they will one day go away. In the meantime, there is at least one thing that we sports fans around the country can unite on: Boston sports fans can suck it.

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Responses

  1. Excellent!

  2. i figured u might have spent your time usefully actually explaining how they are bad fans.. instead it was more of a rant about how much you hate boston accents and bad weather….. this article is: FAIL!

  3. Fair enough, Mikw, in some respects. I did say at the outset, though, that the point of THIS article was to hypothesize (tongue firmly in cheek) as to what causes Boston fans to be annoying fans. The folks I linked to explain what makes them annoying fans, that is, why as fans they suck. My article’s about possible underlying reasons for that suckiness.

  4. did you get your ass kicked in boston? why all the hate?

    • Oh please, Boston fans are haters of any other city from the start. And most of them are all talk and wouldn’t even be able to kick ass anyway. Trust me, I’ve been going to school there for 3 years. This article is pretty damn accurate. Can’t wait to get the fuck out…


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