Posted by: coloradokiwi | March 20, 2008

Who let the dogs out? Um, can we put them back in?

For those of you who have not yet seen it, behold the most freak-out inducing taste of the uncanny you’re likely to see any time soon: Big Dog.  Seriously, watch the whole demonstration, it’s quite…um, impressive, to put it mildly.

Now that you’ve uncoiled from the fetus position, let’s ponder the possibilities, in case they haven’t already been etched into your mind, which really should probably look like this right now unless you’re a either a super techno-geek, supervillain, or you work in the Pentagon.  It goes like this:  the military applications of that thing are pretty obvious, but this is not coincidence, as it was in fact specifically designed with military applications in mind.  I know this based solely on that footage, having done no other research.  Notice how it mentions its weight, and includes a weight for “payload”?  The term “payload” is not usually reserved for carting around groceries for the disabled and/or elderly.  Secondly, notice at the end that it overtly states that it is funded in part by DARPA (although really I would have guessed Arakyd Industries). Granted, it’s not as if everything that DARPA has made has been used solely for military purposes, and has always been a bad thing.  After all, DARPA invented the internet (not Al Gore).  But a “big dog” that carries a “payload”?  Hmmm…what do you think the applications are?

Oh yeah:  so that an autonomous, all-terrain killer robot with who knows what kind of sensor and weapons array can navigate the rugged terrain, of, I dunno, to pick a country at random, Afghanistan, and kill terr’ists.   I must say, I am all for this.  Between Big Dog and the predator drone, aided by cyborg moths, we can shorten the lifespans of Taliban, Al Qaeda and other fighters without even putting troops directly in harm’s way.  Undoubtedly Big Dog will also be effectively cloaked, as well, and though it can be destroyed or disabled, it will not be as easy to bring down as a human soldier.  Also, while the research is obviously quite expensive, the actual parts of this thing are not, it would appear, which means in the long run it is far cheaper to produce and field one of these than it is to train and field a human soldier.  We save money and lives, and freak the ever-loving shit out of our enemies.  And so on.


As if we haven’t seen the Terminator movies.  As if we haven’t seen a whole slew of other films, shows, and books all about this very subject.

Also, while the upside is that wars may be cheaper and that there will be a lot fewer casualties, the downside is that wars may be cheaper and that there will be a lot fewer casualties.  What I mean here is that the main deterrent for not going to war is, let’s face it, the cost to us in lives and dollars.  Alas the greater American electorate could give two squirts of piss about the fur-nurs we obliterate.  And future wars (indeed current ones, in reality) will not be fought at the behest of national security, or even “national” interests of any kind:  they will be proxy wars over resources, but especially over the relative might of corporations.  Thousands will die in our name and on our dime, not always I’m sure with our express permission, and we will be made to feel glad about this and hardly ever question why this is done, because hey, our big dogs are fucking awesome, and little Johnny can while his days in Mobile suckin’ brews or having a wank under a coconut tree in Guam rather than getting into some dust-ups in regions of the earth that we are unable to find on the globe we bought at Wal-Mart.

Lastly, the likelihood is very high, I should think, that Big Dog or some version thereof will be deployed in situations that are not combat, per se.  Why should the police or military put cops with batons at barriers in order to deal with an unruly crowd?  Just stick some big dogs in there with shields, mace, and probably an array of other non-lethal weapons, and have them go at it.  They will also have cameras mounted on them to get clear pictures of who’s on the crowd, as well.  And if you don’t go to jail, you’ll definitely get a fine for moving outside of the designated “free speech zone.”

And so on.  Rise of the machines, kids.  Only it will be a long time before “human kind” is at their mercy.  In our lifetimes we will still be at the mercy of the human elites who control this technology and have the means to deploy it.



  1. Maybe it can be rigged to carry one of these.

    Wait till the end when they show the different rounds. Wowzers.

  2. Yeah, shit, I saw that vid a little while ago. Here’s the thing about that weapon: it’s SOLE purpose is to blast into crowds. Why in the hell else would you need a shotgun to be automatic, unless you’re in the jungle trying to hit the Predator?

    I love how they try to pass off the “military applications” of some of this shit (as well as the Army’s “pain gun”). Let’s see: warrantless wiretaps, free speech zones, crowd control weapons…I’m seeing a pattern here, how about you?

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